2. "Okay, pep talk! You can do this, but to be more accurate, you probably can't. You're way out of practice and she's way too hot for you. So, remember, it's not about scoring. It's about believing you can do it, even though you probably can't. Go get 'em, tiger!”

3. "It's gonna be legend-... wait for it... and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY!”

4. "Jesus waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard he died. They'd be all, "Hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I died yesterday!" and they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude..." and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and the dude'd be like "Uhh okay, whatever you say, bro..." And he's not gonna come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, three. Plus it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already, and they're all in there like "Oh no, Jesus is dead", and then BAM! He bursts in the back door, runnin' up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. That's why we wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.... True story.”

5. "In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story.”

6. "God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, but I know a lot of girls call out your name because of me.”

7. "Oh right, because there can be too many of something wonderful. Hey Babe Ruth, easy big fella, let's not hit too many homers. Hey Steve Gutenberg, maybe just make three Police Academy movies. America's laughed enough.”

8. "Do you have some puritanical hang up on prostitution? Dude, it’s the world’s oldest profession.”

9. "Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile.”

10. "Here's the mini-cherry on top of the regular cherry on top of the sundae of awesomeness that is my life.”

11. "God, it’s me, Barney. What up? I know we don’t talk much, but I know a lot of girls call out your name because of me.”

12. "Every Halloween, I bring a spare costume, in case I strike out with the hottest girl at the party.
That way, I have a second chance to make a first impression."

13. "The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she’s 17 years, 11 months old."

14. "Barneys urge to get laid never fails us for him to come short of making excuses of how to avoid people who stop him from doing so."

15. [Barney is stripping down...]
Robin: What the hell are you doing?
Barney: I’m birthday suiting up!

Well, LOL. Evident it is now, that Barney’s birthdays are also lined up with events of ‘undressing’ and ‘birthday suiting up’.
All this is very awesome indeed, if men actually don’t practice in their real life.

16. Barney: Don’t beat yourself up. He’ll be fine.
I mean, the guy’s like a billionaire.
He can put his platinum card on a fishing line and win ten chicks hotter than you

17. ‘My nose is flowing because there was too much awesomeness in body and it started to leak’.

18. "New is always better."

19. "When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead. True story."